I am not going to dwell on the fact that it has been over two months since I have been back to this space. I am not going to make excuses for why I have left it. I am not going to promise to do better…I am just going to write!
I just went back and read though my earlier posts and have realized how far I have come and also how much farther I want to go. Just as life is, things have been crazy and hectic and unpredictable yet monotonous at the same time…and time keeps moving….
We are moving into summer now and it is getting hot! In my tiny part of the world, this is almost the only seasonal change we have throughout the year and it is when everything seems to stop. The vegetables stop growing, the breezes stop blowing, the animals lay around in their shaded spots, and we all move slowly!
Our solace in the summer here is the warm ocean water and forgiving waves that allow us to swim in parts of the Pacific that are usually too dangerous the rest of the year, and we take full advantage.
But it is really so much more than just cooling off or finding something to do when it’s too hot to do anything. There is something almost cosmic about being in the water. I know I don’t have the words to do it justice, but I have never in my life found anything quite as peaceful and grounding and just being in the water and being with the water.
Beyond that there seems to be a kind of kindred connection between people when they are suffering together. A time when our similarities are more obvious than our differences and we can all encourage and help each other get through it together!
So, my takeaway from this post is to try to keep myself connected to the positive things in my life right now and not get sucked into a miserable pit of despair waiting for it to be over…because this too shall pass!
Almost a month since my last entry…it appears as though I cannot be held accountable for my accountability!
Procrastination aside, I did realize something this morning that I thought noteworthy.
Children do not stop talking!
Of course, that was not my realization, but this morning after three hours of three kids talking non-stop and me going through the motions of nodding and saying random things to them like “that’s interesting”, “sounds like fun”, “maybe one day”, while at the same time trying to hold my own conversations with people and get other things done, I decided to stop what I was doing and actually pay attention for a while.
Turns out they are pretty entertaining.
And it occurred to me that maybe, if I took the time to listen to them ramble more often, and try see that world from their perspective, I might learn something about how to live in the moment and see things in a new way…my own little reminder about my intentions on this journey at my disposal 24/7 (because that is how often they are talking!).
We shall see…
”I think midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close, and whispers in your ear:
I’m not screwing around. It’s time. All of this pretending and performing – these coping mechanisms that you’ve developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt – has to go.
Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understand that you needed these protections when you were small. I understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy of love and belonging, but you’re still searching and you’re more lost than ever.
Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can’t live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. Courage and daring are coursing through you. You were made to live and love with your whole heart. It’s time to show up and be seen.”
~ Brené Brown