05/19

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With a roller coaster of ups and downs over the last couple of months, I am once again finding myself in need of some deep reflection on the direction I want to take.  I find it so easy to get sucked into the trivial details of life and I can most often justify it to myself…but I know the truth!

Last month I attended a peyote ceremony…my first one.  I went with a really close friend and when I asked her what I could expect, all she said was “after your experience, you won’t be able to bullshit yourself anymore”.  She was right!

There is something very freeing in knowing when you are bullshitting yourself (really knowing) and there is also something very scary about it too…

And, as it turns out, I bullshit myself quite a bit!

It is usually in the form of second guessing myself, or putting things off thinking I will get to them in the future (and I’m not talking about dishes or laundry, the REAL things I need to be doing).

So know I have had my bullshit metered tuned (or maybe I can just read it better now), yet I am still finding it difficult to motivate myself to do what needs to be done!   I have stuck myself in a routine that I am worried I will never be able to pull myself out of.

 

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