It has been around two months since we have moved to the ranch and started homeschooling the kids and things have been…interesting.
The homeschooling program went on an extended hiatus over Christmas and it seems like we are only now getting back into the groove. I am still struggling every day with what I have been told my entire life of how and what kids are supposed to learn at school, and what I truly and deeply believe to be the best way for them to learn.
I think the hardest part about accepting my unschooling/homeschooling regime is that the majority of the world hasn’t and I can fully appreciate my kids growing up and feeling like I shorted them on a proper education the same way I feel a little cheated out of not being taught in an enriching environment that may have allowed me to really explore my talents instead of teaching me a bunch of crap I didn’t care about.
I am also feeling a little guilt because my Mom has been visiting for the past month so we have been spending most of our time at her house poaching her electricity and internet and the kids have been spending WAY more time on Netflix and youtube than I would like to admit (I may be overdoing it on Pinterest myself).
I have been finding solace in my books on tape and have been listening to The Four Agreementsrepeatedly for the last couple of weeks. It is my reminder of why I am doing this and that it is not meant to be easy…something I have had a hard time remembering lately!!!
I woke up on the morning of our 21st move in eight years excited about finally getting into our own house and also a little nervous about having to actually commit to living life like a (modern?) eighteenth century homemaker. But there was no turning back.
A few days later, as I parted my way to the composting toilet in the middle of the night, I began to seriously question some of my life choices.
After returning back to bed with an emptied bladder and a racing mind, I started ruminating various exit strategies, none of which were extremely realistic.
My mind began to wander to intense reflection of the events that transpired in the recent past, bringing us to this exact point. And then it hit me. The undeniable truth of it all. You asked for this!
Rewind to the previous year-ish…
you wanted your husband to be home every night / now you are tripping over his shoes
you wanted to live more sustainably / you are peeing in a composting toilet
you wanted to be off the grid / you are living without power
you wanted to spend more time with your kids / you are homeschooling
you wanted to be closer as a family / you live in a 700 sq ft garage together
How does that saying go???
So after a good laugh cry, I realized that there was only one thing I could (try to) do.
If I am:
annoyed at my husband (and his shoes being left right in front of the door)/ be GRATEFUL he is home with us and happy with his new career
regretting drinking that 3rd glass of water before bed / be GRATEFUL for an excuse to get out and see the stars
fumbling to prepare supper in the dark / be GRATEFUL for candlelit dinners with my family
struggling to divide my attention between my kids / be GRATEFUL to have these extra moments with them
seeking solitude in our chaotic ‘box’ / be GRATEFUL for the memories we are making
(I am also a lot more specific when I am ‘asking’ the universe for something!)